Sunday, 7 October 2018

Because pregnant women LURVE hearing how big they are...


You're fat!
Was the first comment made to me as I walked into work yesterday. 

Really set the tone for coming back to work on a Monday morning after being away on holiday for a week, a week where for the first time in a long time not one single person had commented  on my size.

I wasn't struggling as much with my body and all the changes it's been making, the enlargements and extras that are growing at an alarming rate, until the constant comments started.

It's really shocking what people think it is acceptable to say to you.
People literally will stop me in the street to ask me about my bump and then will ask if there's two because what I look like doesn't fit with the image in their head of what a 20 week pregnant bump should be. 

The other day it was assumed I have twins in my tummy....from a lady who has previously carried twins.
This is a consistant comment made to me, are you sure there isn't two in there? Your baby is going to be massive! That's gonna be a painful birth! Someone told me I will need scaffolding soon as I am so huge, someone else asked me if the cheese I was eating was full fat, and hadn't I better stick to low fat cheese? I left crying and was told to get a thicker skin. 
Right so I need to develop myself so that you can comment on what I'm eating and look like? Riiiiiight...

The comments mainly seem to come from middle aged women which is the demographic that you might think would be the most friendly/supportive/understanding to the ever changing and heightened hormonal pregnant woman. But there feels a sense of entitlement to comment on pregnant womens appearance. 

So I have say STOP.
STOP IT. 

Guess what? You don't have to comment!
All I literally want to hear from you Karen is 'You look great' even if it's a lie. Lie through your teeth. Or - Say nothing at all.
It goes the other way too. Bump shaming - are you sure you're pregnant? Can be the most damaging thing a woman can hear, she might have really struggled with fertility, she might have been so sick she has lost weight and has increasing anxiety about something she cannot control or simply Karen she might JUST NOT BE SHOWING YET! She might never show, she might show right at the end, she might suddenly sprout out at 30 weeks. 

Either way shut up.

Half the time I want to make a personal comment back however I don't think thats right, and even when close to snapping I can see that these comments are often said with no malice and no thought, the woman who told me I had got fat was smiling kindly at me, and I get along with really well, unless she's an actual psychopath and I have been tricked by her wily ways.  

I have reflected lots on this and realised that in the past - prepregnancy - I may have been guilty of saying "wow you're so big!" without really realising the weight of what I was saying - pardon the pun. 

The negative conertations with the word fat/big/HUGE dont sit well with me, no matter  how much I want to be ok with my body, like all of us, I do have issues and with these comments comes a panic, a panic about my body size, my baby size, the apparent painful labour because Karen (who I wasnt aware was a baby bump specialist) says my baby WILL be GARGANTUAN!

It makes me actually not want to leave the house some days,  if I notice someone looking at my bump, I wait for something about my size to come up, I brace myself when people ask me about it. Its a pretty shitty way to feel. Its making me want to stay at home and hide. 
Even when I put a picture up of myself with my bump, which I felt lovely in, I was scared people were going to comment saying how large I looked. No one did thankfully and it gave me a real boost until the next day and the 'fat' comment was my morning greeting. 

So please just think about what you are saying to people, pregnant or otherwise. But especially when talking about bump size. We all grow at different rates, different speeds and in different ways. 

We are also hormonal as fuck and might punch you in the face and get away with it.
To all the Karen's out there that show great empathy and have never commented on a bump in a derogatory way I apologise for taking your name in vain...😘

Edit -Thanks for all your lovely comments, the post isn't really about what I look like though, it's about what you say to others, thoughtlessly and the impact of that on person. Most days I feel that pregnancy really suits me and my body shape, its just a shame that pregnant women seem to attract very honest and unkind comments. I didn't write this to be told I'm beautiful - even though its so lovely and I thank all of you for taking the time ti write and tell me😍  I wrote it in the hope that it would just stop some of the comments in future for others or for me, that it would make people think a little bit more before they speak. Because as I said above, these comments are meant as mean they are coming out of smiling, lovely women's mouths! And yet it still hurts. I felt beautiful in that sunset, having my lovely boyfriend take pictures of me, and that was the first time in a long time I felt attractive and my bubble was burst by one thoughtless comment. I love you all, you are the people we need! Xxxxx

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