Hello? Is it me you're looking for? Probably not but still lets just pretend shall we...
I feel like I should explain why I'm doing this, but it's weird as technically I'm talking to no one? I think? Anyway I feel like I have a sixth sense so I'm used to communicating with things that aren't there...like my imaginary boyfriend....and all the millions Of fans I have....anyway recently people have been nagging me to start a blog, I think mainly to shut me the fuck up on social media but also because I write very long statuses and it mainly bores people, then my brother just told my you could make money so I thought well if that doesn't motivate me nothing will! (Except anything with salted caramel)
I will begin with my terrible day, these happen often and usually involve some sort of injury and/or embarrassment...always mine. I'm good at listing, it's one of the few talents I have so here we go:
So I walked around with tights like this all day (see picture - if I can work out how to put it on) ..I tripped coming out of the door and stubbed my (MOTHER FUCKING) toe, I got home and started peeling potatoes and not only did I peel into one of my finger nails, I peeled into my fingers...twice. Thus lacerating them and created what I like to call the blood potato. Which I washed and tossed back into the pan - classy. Can you die from that? Is that canablism? Does it count as canablism if you eat yourself? Is that what I am now?
Yours everlastingly single and embarrassing fuckwit, doomed for life.